Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
