If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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