Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
this is an emotional support booty call
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
