Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
