You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
not ubering you a puppy
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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