I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
