i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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