You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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