yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
