Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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