I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
