I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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