no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
