When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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