I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
