so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
