This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
