that's an acceptable place to lick
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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