The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
