Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
