The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
