I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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