Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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