dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You are the jesus of drinking
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
