remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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