Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
