I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
