I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
