Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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