I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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