Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
