I can't watch pbs sober anymore
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
