so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
