she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
