im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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