God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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