Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
