dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How does it feel to date your dad?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
