i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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