boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
