he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
