he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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