"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
So. Much. Porn.
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