theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
