i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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