hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I look better un-naked...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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