That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
