oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
