"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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