Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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