fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
