Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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